I Am an Individual and I Like to be Alone

Some people choose and appear to relish being on their own. For other people, they would avoid it at all costs and not feel able to cope. They would try to remedy the situation, find it unnatural and try to encourage house guests, friends or unsuitable partners to stay, even if it were an unhealthy option. Hopefully the middle ground is being able to cope with either situation, neither being right or wrong.

Some people like being on their own. They find it a comfortable, hassle free way to live their lives. Recently in the UK single person accommodation has been recognised as the most significant area of growth in new-build properties. Whether people are starting out in their careers, relocating to find work or are newly divorced or widowed many people are now living alone, for a variety of reasons. Is this a good way to live or are there things that can be learned from this situation that can help people move into a more communal, sharing way of living ?

For some people being alone is the calm time after their previous stressful life experiences and they need time alone to recover their confidence, feelings and emotions after a breakup or some other traumatic event. They need private time to lick their wounds, heal and try to reclaim their identity before rejoining the human race. Sometimes being on their own means that they do not have to make an effort, explain themselves or consider anyone else and that can be a therapeutic situation for a time.

Other people may find living alone to be a positive life choice. After all, it can be a good feeling to know that you can get half way home and then suddenly decide to go somewhere else, and have no one to explain yourself to or consider. But this life choice can also become a defense mechanism to protect from interacting with others. It is important to notice if we are becoming reclusive and shunning human relationships, invitations and friendships more and more.

For some people being alone is a place of safety. Previous relationships have been disappointing or left them feeling vulnerable or damaged. Finding refuge in ones own company can feel the safest place to be. And that can be a valid option for a time. Time to heal, be calm and quiet and allow equilibrium to return. Counselling can he a healthy decision to be used to address those issues and concerns in a respectful, professional environment. The distressing, hurtful events happened in the past. Counselling can help the process of choosing to learn from what happened, choose to move on and let go of negative fears, outlooks and expectations.

Look at the motivation behind being on your own. Is it really a comfortable choice or is it defensive, self prptective behaviour. Sometimes when a person has been on their own for a while sharing their space, possessions and time can be very stressful. But often perseverance pays off.

Sharing time, social events, meals with another person can require compromise. By finding a way to interact successfully with others you will find that you bring many positive lessons into your life. The ability to share, communicate, respect, understand another person is an invaluable gift. And in return you gain someone who is interested in you, who cares, thinks about you and for whom you also care about.

Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist
www.lifestyletherapy.net